I’m horny. This is my default state, as I’m currently on day 85 of chastity the thought of an orgasm is rarely far from my mind, that and my wonderful Mistress Nikky French are what my mind always wanders towards. That said the thought of possibly having an orgasm worries me. As much as I am craving one I worry about the effect that it may have.
I know at the moment I am feeling very submissive, ever since Mistress first clicked her lock onto my cock I’ve felt really content with life. My devotion to her has just grown each day with every interaction. The worry is that an orgasm may release some of this. I’m sure that I will still be in awe of my Mistress and devoted to her – that didn’t leave me after my first session with her but it may reduce my overall submissiveness feeling. I see people online talking about the dip that comes after an orgasm – I also don’t want to lose the submissive high that I seem to be on.
It seems like a bad trade to have a moment of ecstasy for a week or so where you are less than what you want to be.
That said, when I see my Mistress this weekend I’m still going to be hoping that she’ll decide that I deserve that release and the fear will definitely switch to the thought that she might make me wait even longer! I do love that it is completely her choice though, I’d hate to know in advance that tomorrow was definitely going to be the day or definitely not going to be! Excited to try on my new device (I bought a Bon4) when I do see her – will blog about that after I’ve had it on for a few days.